One of my favorite Erin quotes of late was one day as she was watching her second hour of TV before school, she turns to me and says "Mommy, do you think you could clean up a little while I'm at school?"
It still cracks me up that she said that. What this really means is 1) she isn't going to do anything about the mess (obviously it's my job-and one that should be conveniently done while she's not there) and 2) I'm not doing a very good job of it because she needs to remind me to do it.
I am going to be honest about my housekeeping skills; I am not great. Sure, I had school as a crutch. Of course my house wasn't clean then. But now... what's the excuse? She was right, I should clean up a little once and a while. In all reality, I do clean up a little. I actually clean up a lot. It feels like I am always cleaning up and it never matters (like stringing beads onto a string with no knot on the end of it). Like today, I already cleaned the whole kitchen, loaded the dishwasher, swept the floor, wiped everything off, made cupcakes and dinner and guess what? I am back to where I started. Dishes are still on the table, crumbs are on the floor and spaghetti is drying on various surfaces that Marissa artistically flung off her high chair.
Every couple of days I get the urge to really clean, to de-junk, to organize everything, to be a good mom. That lasts until the baby wakes up or I have to break up yet another lame fight or until I feel it's time for my nap again (I've always been good at sleeping). Why can't I just be a clean freak? Can this be learned? Honestly, I admire you clean people a lot. It's not that I don't like it clean, it's just not my natural inclination to constantly clean up.
Some days I just have no motivation. The other day I drove Erin to school (you know, a public place) and then looked in the rear view mirror to see myself: un-showered, no make-up, hair completely disheveled, over-sized shirt I'd worn to bed the night before--and it was 11:00 am! I had to wonder how I had let myself sink to such a state. Years ago I would have NEVER gone a day without putting on at least mascara let alone taking a shower. But ever so slowly another good habit has gone by the wayside (rest assured, I haven't dropped teeth brushing quite yet... or deodorant). All right, I'm painting myself as some loser housewife, but I find it hard to rationalize getting all ready when my main objective for the day is to beat my child in Memory. Looking that way at home? Fine. But how has it become acceptable for me to waltz into Target as long as I've brushed my teeth and put on a bra? I don't speak to anyone, and never make eye contact... that's okay, right? Well, probably not, especially since those are the days you inevitably run into someone you know.
And it's probably not okay that my house is so bad that my preschooler is nagging me over it. Last conference there was a talk given about making our homes more like Temples. This struck me as something I need to do, and I have been trying. This is what I want and will continue to strive for, if nothing else to fulfill Erin's request. I guess I'm just in a funk right now and needed to get this off my chest.