Okay, so I guess it's probably time to write this post.
It's the "I'm pregnant" post. It's not the "I can't believe I've been pregnant for 20 weeks and just found out!" post, that was two kids ago. I'd like to think that won't happen to me again. This one, in fact, was the one I found out about earlier than any other baby, which I conclude can only mean one thing: I will be "pregnant" for much longer, or so it will seem. It was, after all, quite random how I found out. It was the middle of the day (in January) and I was going up to take a shower. As I passed the linen closet on my way to the bathroom I thought, "Hey, I have an extra pregnancy test in there, I should take it just to make sure I'm not pregnant"--because I seem to have no early symptoms that would otherwise give it away. For some reason, when I took it, I thought it was one of the kind that had a + or a -, and since two lines appeared with no plus sign I assumed that meant it was a minus sign and that I had just confirmed the fact that I was not pregnant. But just to verify, I decided to check the box. "Wait," I thought, "my test matches the pregnant one on the box." This probably confirms the fact that I am an airhead when it comes to this kind of thing, as if my third pregnancy didn't already. I know, I know. Most people take a test when they think they are pregnant or when they really hope they are. I take them when there's an extra one in the closet and I happen to have to pee.
In all honesty, we knew we wanted more kids, but we weren't sure about the timing. We kept going back and forth about when to have the next one. It was the end of December that I realized that there would be a big family reunion in October and that it would be really stupid to get pregnant then. But, of course, I was already pregnant. I am due Sept. 20th, which makes me about 11 1/2 weeks. I saw the squirmy peanut last week, which finally confirmed it for me.
This is the first time I have ever felt like someone was missing in our family. Jared and I had both felt that way for a while, but without telling each other. All the kids will be in the room and I will have the feeling that someone isn't there. But after counting the kids I always realize that they are all there. The other day I even tried to load another one in the car. Anyway, it's a really strong feeling that helps me know that this baby is supposed to be here. We are excited about it. We have the space in our house and we still have one more spot in the mini-van. Weird. We bought it when we still only had one kid.
I found a place that would do a VBAC. It's a group with 3 doctors and 6 midwives. I think it'll be weird to meet with someone new every time, but do I really need a relationship with the person that is going the stand there while I push a baby out? I feel like I have done it enough to know my body and what to expect. They are there, in my opinion, in case of an emergency. So as long as they let me do what I want, I guess it doesn't matter if I am in love with them or not. And as far as I can tell, Utah has a much better VBAC policy compared to Florida. No more crazy Russian smoke-filled doctor's office. At least this place seems normal.
Just because I don't get sick, doesn't mean I don't feel any effects. I would say tiredness and laziness are my two biggest symptoms. Definitely two separate problems that I seem to feel a lot of. So I take a nap every day, religiously, and by the time night comes I am too lazy to do anything but sit on the couch and watch TV. Hopefully I can get some nesting energy in the next few weeks so that I can finally get something accomplished, you know, besides sleeping.