It's me again

First off, everyone is better from the stomach flu... thank goodness! I woke up in the middle of the night and was sick all day Thursday. Erin woke up healthy but Alex laid on the floor for another day while I laid on the couch completely helpless. It is horrible to see your kids get sick, but it's almost worse to get sick yourself and not be able to take care of your family. Jared stayed home all day and took care of everyone. I felt so bad listening to whining children and demands that Jared had to take care of. Why is it that I feel guilty whenever he has to do what I do every day?

Then there was Connor. He has been having such a rough time lately. I'm attributing most of it to teething--it has been non-stop for a while now. He fourth tooth just broke through. He really has been having a hard time going to sleep on his own, which means he is completely dependent on me. That was made very clear the day I was sick because I kept having to nurse him even though I felt horrible. Then I was so dehydrated that things just got worse. I don't know how much longer I can nurse him. He is 7 months now, so he should be sleeping okay. Hopefully he feels better soon and can figure out the sleeping thing. Lately we've just been taking him for a ride at night to fall asleep. He is also not crawling yet but he wants to, so he gets really frustrated whenever he is left alone anywhere. I'm not sure if he would be harder for me if he were my only child (because I would have nothing else to distract me from the frustration) or easier (because he would get more attention and not act this way). We're coping.

So for the new year, I did make some goals. My yearly goals seem realistic. Not easy, but they're not the kind that you blow after a week of trying and then failing.
1. First is to get our year's supply of food storage, which we have almost finished (as soon as we receive the last order we put in, buy a few more odds and ends--psychological foods, and get a water purifier). That's a whole other post.
2. Next is to go to the temple every month. It will not always be easy, but it's important to me so I'm going to do it.
3. This one is a financial goal. When I was in the temple in November, I felt a strong prompting that we needed to pay something off. We have made a plan, rearranged our budget and will be paying this off aggressively so that we won't have to worry about it anymore.

As far as my other goals... I decided that since I feel like I just can't keep up with daily life most of the time, that I won't be making other yearly goals (way too daunting) but monthly ones. It seems much more manageable. So far, I've made a bunch of goals for January and have only kept one of them: not to eat chocolate. I know, it sounds like a random one, but I have been having really, really bad headaches lately (like every day) and when I do I automatically try to eat things that I think will make me feel better, like chocolate. And chocolate is one thing that seems to make my headaches worse. So I've done it and I've felt good about it. Except, I still have bad headaches. What now?

The other January goals were to make my bed every day (haha), and to get up at 7:00 and do housework first thing for an hour. Oh yeah, and then go to the gym at 8:00. That's it. I still like those goals and here's why. You always have time for the things you put first. So I would always try to get up and go exercise first thing or read scriptures right away so it would actually get done. I realized that maybe those things were getting done, but my housework never was. I found that if I get up and start a load of laundry, put dishes away, pick up and fold clothes first, then the rest of the day would be better. Two of my friends do this and their houses are almost always clean. Don't get me wrong though. Even when I do that I feel like I am constantly doing housework and at the end of the day there are still two loads of laundry to fold, yet another sinkful of dishes and an exploded playroom to clean up. Let's be realistic, I have three little kids at home with me all day. One will most likely have pee and/or poop in her underwear (due to her "potty training") and another will most likely be found on the floor crying or attached to me, if you know what I mean. I think that the first year after I have a baby is challenging just because babies are demanding. It is for me anyway. The second year after I have a baby is also challenging, but that's only because I'm pregnant. Why do I do this to myself?

Next bit of news: I can see again! I went to the eye doctor today and got new contacts. I should say that I went to my old eye doctor again after trying out a new eye doctor last year. I tell you, you sure don't know what you have till you go see a different eye doctor who has you try three different prescriptions before you finally resign yourself to taking the wrong contacts and not seeing for a year. It has been a bit troubling, especially at Walmart when I can't tell which sign says paper towels. I realized that my old doctor never gave me a bad prescription before and now I wonder why ever left. Luckily he took me back and our relationship is back on course. I will be getting my new boxes on Friday and new glasses some time too, as long as they are "modern".

Not only can I see again, but he made me question two things. One, if maybe my vision is contributing to the headaches and two, if maybe I am slightly allergic to my cats (because of the redness/sensitivity in my eyes). Tell me if this makes me a bad person, because I feel like one. I kind of hope a little bit that I do have a slight allergy, because I've been looking for an excuse to not have cats anymore. Whoa, writing it makes me feel much worse as a person. It's just that they have quite a few strikes against them lately (i.e. fleas, poop laying on the grass like they're dogs, constantly throwing up, bringing dead carcasses indoors, and oh yeah, one of them almost took out my eye one time and gave me 5 stitches). I feel so bad for even considering it. I mean, where would they go? (Anyone?) What a dilemma.

Oh, and about that goal to get up at 7:00? That also follows that we should be going to bed around 11:00, right? Last night we got to bed before 11 and just laid there because we are so used to staying up later. Of course, now it's almost 1:00 am. Who knows, maybe it's a lack of sleep that's causing the headaches. Maybe it's just a tumor. Either way, I gotta go to bed; my head is pounding.