Stressing and Blessings

I know I've written a lot about my school lately. That's because it has taken over my life and I'm getting sick of it! This semester has been the most difficult one yet. I knew it was a 6 credit class instead of 4 credits and that people had talked about Design 9 being the most demanding, but I didn't really know how hard it would be until I got into it. I guess the reason is that we have major pinups every Tuesday, either with the faculty or with community leaders. That means that it feels like a midterm or final every single week. I remember Design 6 when I pulled at least one all nighter every week and thinking that was pretty hard... Now only one all nighter each week seems like a dream. I can say that I sleep a full night only once a week because my body shuts down after so much stress and lack of sleep. What really sucks is that you work so hard every single week and then you know you have to do it again next week and the next and the next... it seems never ending.

But the one consolation is that it will end. There's only a few more weeks of torture and I can't wait to have my life back! I don't care if I get an A or not. I will do all the requirements and do the best I can so that I don't have to retake the class (there is no possible way I will ever do this again!) People ask what I will do when I'm done. Here's my plan: I will sleep... a lot. I will take naps and sleep in and I will not feel bad or lazy because I have several months of sleep to recover. Oh, I might clean the house and do things with my kids too, but only between naps.

I know everybody has their own challenges and I am aware of this. I feel so self absorbed in my own problems that it is hard to focus on other people's situations. Sometimes I wonder why I chose this when there is no reason I have to go through this or put my family through this either. I guess I think of it like my mission. It was completely optional but I chose to do it. It was really hard and absolutely worth it. There were things I learned that I couldn't have learned any other way, but I don't want to do it again... at least not the same way knowing how hard it was. That is how I feel about school. I think that it will be worth it, but I want this chapter to be over.

Last night I came home and was so surprised to find that the house had been completely cleaned! There was a cake, sparkling grape juice and a thank you note for me on the table (the one that hasn't been cleared off for weeks). It was from one of the most amazing friends I could ever imagine having. She had made dinner for my family at her house while spending 3-4 hours at my house cleaning everything (and it was pretty bad). I can't express how grateful I am to her for this and so many other acts of service she has given to me over the years, especially knowing how much she is dealing with in her own life. Just thinking about all the ways she has helped me (watching my kids, making dinners, always being there to talk to, teaching me about parenting and childbirth, being supportive during my most challenging times) is overwhelming. I don't know how I could have lived away from family without her and others like her.

So many other people have helped me over the years too. I can't count how many people have watched my kids while I've been gone. If you are one of them... Thank you! I remember one finals week when I was pregnant with Alex and somebody just came over and took Erin for a few hours without me ever telling her how much I needed it at that moment. I am just truly overwhelmed by the kindness of others and I hope to be able to be even a little bit like these people someday. Maybe after I've slept...